Each section is a separate thought.

---

20260220 Where can we find the Lord? If he is in heaven, how do we get there? I have this ongoing scenario of walking along the seashore on the beach and coming to a very high wall. So high it seems to touch the clouds. And very faintly I can hear beautiful music coming over the wall. So beautiful, so intriguing, I have to see over the wall and see who is there, and who is making it. So, I decide to pile some sand to stand on and try and see over the wall. But after piling for a while, I don’t have much of a pile, so I go and get a shovel. I piled faster and higher but didn’t seem to be getting anywhere. Sometimes friends come by and offer to help for a while, but the pile doesn’t seem to grow much. Then I realized that every shovel full of sand adds very little to the height of the pile since the sand runs down to add to the base. The higher you want to make the pile, the broader the base has to be so I end up making a bigger and bigger pile that doesn’t increase much in height. I have to pause and reflect on why I was doing this in the first place? That makes me realize that seeing over the wall this way is unlikely to happen. So too I begin to understand that I can’t work my way into heaven. I believe the gates of heaven are open, and we have been invited in, what I still struggle with is why am I struggling so much with understanding all this and being at peace.

20251226 It is quite common recently to be asked to complete a survey after receiving a service. Whether it is a restaurant, online purchase or even a visit to a doctor or hospital we are asked to provide feedback and/or take a survey. It isn’t totally clear how seriously these are taken, but my experience is that often the feedback is considered. It is part of a process called CMI (Continuous Measurable Improvement). Is this something offensive? I think not. All of us recognition after doing some project or process that there are things we could have done better. So, we intend to apply those improvements the next time we do the same project or process. I have seen this work many times in the real world. I also know that stuff happens. We sometimes slip backward or make an unintended mistake, and things are not significantly better. Yet after repeatedly applying the methodology things do get better. What is involved? First, the desire to get better. Then, a careful review of what we do and how we do it. Then, an analysis of where we can avoid mistakes and make outcomes better. Even tiny improvements can add up over time. Just one snowflake may melt away, but if enough of them fall the landscape will be covered with snow. So why am I mentioning something that almost everyone would agree with and support. Where is the best example of where CMI is not practiced, and apparently not desired? Yes, the Church. To apply a punch line from an old joke, “If God wanted the Church to be better, he would have gone to a priest/bishop first”. For an institution that is 2000 years old, it is amazing (or embarrassing) that there is so little desire to be better. I’m not talking about doctrine, the church seems to have done a creditable job of reviewing, revising, and promoting what it believes the Lord wants it to believe. I’m talking about feeding the widows. The processes that it uses in conducting the liturgies, singing praises, caring for the sheep, communicating its goals, and building a Christian community on earth. These and other areas are in need of CMI. I am struggling here to define precisely what is needed. The church should not be a place you go to because you have to, but a place you go to because you want to! There is an old saying: Many hands make light work. Combining that saying with an attitude of CMI would make to Church what I believe the Lord wants it to be.

20251205 I have been thinking lately about careers. We go through life with certain ideas about what to study, what to prepare for. What careers will we gravitate toward and participate in. That leads to the question of what careers we will have in the afterlife? Rather than meander down that tortured path consider the question what careers will priests have in the afterlife. Well, my thinking is the priesthood is a career that has no afterlife future. In heaven we have the beatific vision. There is no need for a priesthood, or priests per se. No need to have confessions, to say Masses, to give sermons, to lead processions, to give sermons. So, if that’s the case what is a priest’s role in this life? 

In a recent homily, a priest pointed out that in the first couple of thousand years the church viewed Christ as a shepherd. Then in the early 20th century it was decided that he was a king. What about priests? A pastor should be synonymous with shepherd. Should we now say king? For a career that has no role in the afterlife, maybe we should consider this more carefully. Here are my thoughts in the form of a parable (with apologies to Jesus for piggy backing on his parable).

There was a priest who did not appear to be fulfilling his priestly duties as his master desired. So, his master called him in and said you can’t be my disciple any longer, give up your flock and move out. The priest became concerned and began to think. What shall I do? I don’t have a role in the afterlife, and I can’t beg. Most of my flock will have a mansion in heaven, how can I get them to welcome me? So he came up with a plan. He began to call members of his flock in one-by-one. To the first, he said how many prayers did you promise the Lord? He said 1000. The priest said change your promise to 500, and I will pray you into heaven. To the next he asked: How many good works did you plan to do? He answered 700. The priest said tell the Lord 400, and I will pray you into heaven. To the third, he asked her how much time did you plan spending in evangelizing your environments?, and she answered 800 hours. The priest told her plan on 700, and I will pray you into heaven. And so, he visited all the members of his flock. When he had finished his master called him in and commended him for his conversion. He told the priest you have come to realize what it means to be a shepherd and care for your flock. You too will be welcomed into my kingdom.

In the parable of the young man who asked Jesus what he had to do to get to heaven, Jesus said to sell all you have and then come follow me (Mk 10:17-27). The young man went away sad. We can feel bad for the man and a missed opportunity. But I would like to believe that every encounter with Jesus is not as simple as it might seem. While the young man went away sad, he could be thinking that if he sold his house his mother would have nowhere to live. Or, if he sold his orchard, his old gardener would have no way to eat or support his family. And he might say I don’t see how I can do what Jesus asked, but when the harvest comes in, I could let those in need come and glean the plants. And later he might say that the old unused field he has could be let out as a community garden. Later he might realize that the field would be easier to access and more productive if it had a road leading to it. So, he might decide to run for a local council and try to have it build a road to the field. Ultimately he might find that he was able to accomplish as much for the poor and needy as if he had sold all his possessions to someone who would have squandered them. Not sure whether this makes sense, but I believe that the answer to the question: “How do you eat an elephant?” is one bite at a time. Maybe, when Jesus asks you to eat an elephant, and you think it is too big, too heavy, too ugly, you just need to take a step back and take a small bite.

This is a question I’ve started to ask myself. Why would anyone care what I think or have to say? Frankly I have nothing to offer in answer other than My thoughts and reflections offered without credentials. In reading many of the famous theologians, writers, mystics, and so on, I am struck by how many reach a point where they say everything they’ve said and written before is a bunch of dross. In reading some of Thomas Merton’s reflections I think he felt the same way. In a way I agree but also see something else. In searching for the pearl of great price, or the treasure buried in the field I realize that one has to shuck a lot of oysters or dig a lot of holes before finding the pearl/treasure. So too in reading all those writings one does come across a pearl of wisdom in all the dross. And if we find enough pearls we can string them together to give us a beautiful view of the great messages God has for us. And frankly, I believe that each of us finds different pearls that are most suited for our personal needs and capabilities. I think we gradually discover the necklaces that God has designed for each of us. That makes me continue (albeit slowly) in writing what I think. It is my hope that somewhere in what I say the Lord has buried a pearl that you may find fits your necklace.

Parables for me are stories that try to tell us something usually important or profound. In Mark(4:10-12) when the apostles ask Jesus to explain the parable of the sower, He answered them, “The mystery of the kingdom of God has been granted to you. But to those outside everything comes in parables, so that they may look and see but not perceive, and hear and listen but not understand, in order that they may not be converted and be forgiven. Jesus said to them, “Do you not understand this parable? Then how will you understand any of the parables? It implies for me that we have to struggle to understand these parables, and in fact may be blinded in our understanding. I think that many of the parables are trying to help us understand a little about God and how he operates. We often try to use them to tell us how we should operate (sometimes to our detriment). More about that later. I am influenced by Is(55:8-9) For my thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways my ways (oracle of the LORD). For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, my thoughts higher than your thoughts.  The thought struck me recently that maybe the bible is actually God’s parable to the human race, and we are destined to struggle in finding its deepest meanings. And we err in trying to use it as a literal roadmap instead of a heavenly guide. I am reminded of a statement I saw many years ago: “You can’t solve chess problems with a checkers mentality.” If we really understand Isaiah’s comment we have no chance to fathom the Lord’s mind and can only hope to get a glimpse of what he desires for us to know and follow. All is not lost since I believe God helped us by writing himself into the play in His  Incarnation.

1/8/22Judging.  One of the frequent admonitions we here is “Don’t judge”. While on the surface this appears to be a good and Christian goal, I believe it sends the wrong message. In fact, judging is almost the only thing we do! My version of the creation story goes as follows: After God created the heavens and the earth He saw something missing.   

When God viewed all He had created and saw it was good, He also saw that it lacked an intimate connection with Him. So, he took a lump of earth and molded it into pieces. 

He then took a piece of himself and inserted it into each earthen vessel. He said, “This, is your soul, it is the part of me that resides in you. It is the part that lets you recognize me, honor me, and always be connected to me. I expect you to use it!”

Then He took another piece of Himself and put it into each lump of earth. He said: “ This is your heart. It is the part of you that reflects my Love and allows you to return that Love to me as well as to love each other as well as the creation I have given you. I expect you to use it!”

Then God took another piece of Himself and put it in the earthen vessels and said: “This is your brain. It is the part of you that helps you seek and find my will for you, that helps you determine good from evil and helps you grow in wisdom and to grow and maintain the creation I have given you as your dominion. I expect you to use it!”

And thus, God completed his creation with the addition of the two earthen vessels to whom He had given responsibility, authority, and accountability.

One can see in that in the creation story we are not only to make judgements, but we are expected to do it. Every act and action we take is an exercise in judgement. We are to exercise those judgements in the domain that God has given us. But we don’t have the right to make judgements in God’s domain. When I am called to jury duty, I am called to judge based on the facts and testimony presented and the applicable law and to judge the culpability of the defendant. I am not called to judge what was in the defendant’s heart. That judgement belongs to God. Can I judge rightly and still be wrong. Certainly! If the evidence was wrong or there were lies in the testimony and so on. Nevertheless, I am called to judge rightly. It is the mantra of “Don’t judge” that I believe leads to much of the evil in the world. By not judging rightly we allow bad things to happen and then wonder why. But judging rightly is a corollary to fundamental premise; namely that we have diligently sought to form a good conscience. My understanding is that Thomas Aquinas said to love God above all else, then do what you will. Forming a good conscience is a  life’s work and we should consider that when we make judgements. In the words of Dirty Harry (Clint Eastwood) “You have to know your limitations.”

1/3/24 Here I go again! The reason I am trying again is the sleepless nights where I can’t stop thinking about all the issues that occur especially within the church. I love the Lord, and care deeply about the church, and am concerned about how the church is chasing people away. It can’t be what the Lord desires. So why? For centuries the church has stood for the highest moral principles based on the two great commandments, Love God above all, and love your neighbor as yourself. The first she has eroded away gradually so that worship has slipped into performance. More on this later. In the second case the church has preached charity, generosity, conversion, and so on. But mostly she has worked to educate its members at all levels of both secular and religious disciplines. She has done such a good job of this, that the secular world has adopted much of the message. Even though it appears without God, we see various fund raisers for numerous charitable and social needs. We are constantly bombarded with requests for input and rating services. One cannot go to any business or service without receiving a request for feedback on the quality of the experience. One can say , well they are just trying to make money. That’s true, but they realize that that requires treating others as they would want to be treated themselves. Can we separate the quality of the service from the “quality” of those who provide it? (more on this when I reflect on Christmas lights). So, if the church has helped create a society that is consciously or unconsciously embodying the second great commandment, how is the church doing in this regard? Instead of getting better, it is getting worse. Despite many beautiful words about this, the church does nothing to engage its lay members. When the Pope convened the worldwide bishops to discuss issues he indicated the desire to have lay input. When I asked someone how this was to happen, I was told the bishops would provide the lay input since they knew what the laity had to say! That was a surprise to me. Despite my years in the church and participation I have not seen any effort to solicit or listen to lay input. We used to talk about parish councils. Now that is a curse word. We have pastoral councils. That is councils selected by the pastor to represent lay input (without usually any lay elected representatives) who discuss in closed sessions issues the pastor wants to discuss and no one in the parish has any idea about the topics, or outcome. It’s hard to even write this because it increases my frustration. One underlying reason this has come about is that lay people just want to criticize. In many of my jobs when a project was underway and some minor part of it needed to be addressed the room was full of people at all levels and skill sets. And yes there was criticism and contention. When a custodian tells a manager that this idea won’t work because it had significant negative environmental impact, the room appreciated knowing that and everyone tried to find ways to fix it. It was taken as the need for Constant Measurable Improvement (CMI). A goal I believed in and tried to follow. One learns from mistakes far more than from successes. The church has centuries of mistakes and chooses not to acknowledge or learn from them. Why a church that is over 2000 years old and has helped create a better world, refuses to admit the people it has helped educate to participate in making it better is beyond understanding. What follows is so many people leaving the church. I believe they are not leaving they are being pushed out! I see the results almost every day. Yet I say this but still have hope. My hope is based on salvation history. We see the evolution of society from many perspectives. There have been many phases in the development of the church: apostolic; martyrs, desert fathers, hermits, medicants, missionaries, and so on. Each period has had its Saints and its sinners. In each era, the Lord has seen fit to rebuild the church. The church now with its grand cathedrals and impoverished leadership needs to be rebuilt. I believe the message from the Lord in recent years is that if this is to happen it will be up to the laity to make it happen. There is little or no belief in official church leadership. How can one say such harsh words when there are many great priests who struggle to live the Lord’s message and bring it to fruition? I suggest that one of the main roadblocks is that the priesthood has wandered from its assigned mission. Like a train on a journey, it has slipped off its tracks. If we recall the words of the apostles as conveyed in ACTS, “It is not right for us to neglect the word of God to serve at table.”  Yet that is what is happening now. If one examines a parish’s Religious Education, you will find it run and staffed by laity (if any staff at all). And if you examine all the issues having to do with building and buying you find it run by priests. The situation upside down reflected in a crumbling world. One last closing thought for today. When I read a book that was about the ad lumina visits to Pope John Paul II, it contained his messages to the visiting bishops. Page after page I would say: Why aren’t they listening to him? When will the church listen to the gospel message?